Breakable me
This post isn’t about a book, or fabulous characters, or even an idea or a notion for a new plot. This post is a little more personal.
I’ve been writing non-stop for about four years now. And when I say non-stop, I mean every day, every night, for four years. If I wasn’t in front of my laptop, I was writing long hand with a pen and paper. And if I wasn’t actually writing, I was thinking about character conversations and plot ideas. I dream of my characters. For four years straight, it literally has not stopped.
I work full time in a kind of stressful job and have two young kids who have sporting commitments every day after school, and out of the last eight weekends, I’ve had only two at home. In a nutshell, RL has kicked my arse of late. I would sometimes function on just a few hours sleep – sometimes none at all. Up until last week, I was trying to write for an anthology, as well as meet a deadline on another WIP – feats I’ve done easily before. I have tried to please everyone, and be everything, thinking I could keep on doing as I had always done, but you know what? Something had to give.
And apparently that something was me.
It got to the point where the mere thought of having to write, to form words, reduced me to tears. I couldn’t even look at my laptop without feeling like I was losing my shit. It felt like an unbelievable pressure – like I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Stress. It’s a funny thing.
I’m not complaining, it’s not anyone’s fault. No one makes me write, but me. I should have seen the signs, I should have pulled back sooner.
Well, I’m pulling back now. I’m taking a break – I don’t know for how long. Maybe I’ll need to start writing again tomorrow, maybe next week, next year, I just don’t know. My characters are still talking to me and I still adore them. I will finish them. How could I not? I will get back to chatting and laughing on facebook and twitter with the awesome people I’ve met there, (I’ve been checking in on facebook but I’ve been hesitant to comment or participate) it’s just right now I’m taking some time for me.
My current WIP, the third installment in the Turning Point series (Point of No Return) is at 20K words and remains my top priority. The Australian Outback story I started but stopped, knowing it was going to be too long for the anthology it was intended, is at 8K words and I will get back to it. The little tennis fic I started will probably end up in the bin. It’s just 4K and is utter crap. All other sequels will just have to wait.
I have six books coming out between now and February so it’s not like I’m disappearing (seven if I can get this WIP done). I fully intend to be back and writing and get back to where I was – I just need a mental health break for a week or two. I’ve had some amazing reviews come in this last week, and I’d like to thank everyone sincerely for the very kind words. I just wanted to write this post so people wouldn’t think I was being a snob or being ungrateful. I really do appreciate it guys, seriously.
So on a parting note, I shall leave you with a gif from my current obsession. I am totally and completely enamored with Agron and Nasir from Spartacus (well, mostly Agron, but Nasir too, k?) Please enjoy this gorgeous couple, and I’ll see you all around soon!
The above gif isn’t mine. I saw it on tumblr and had to share.
Below is the MOST AMAZING YouTube fanvid I’ve seen. There are just no words. I literally watch this several times a day. The maker of this vid has some serious skills. So when you watch on YouTube, be sure to give her some love. Anyway, Agron and Nasir (Nagron) have been my escape, this last week in particular. I adore them. <3
10 Comments
chrysalis1975
take time for you, and take care OF YOU!! I’m not a writer (just prose poetry in my spare time), but I understand the burn out, being a medical doctor and single mom of a high-functioning autistic daughter. You’ve inspired me to take that time. . . crashing & burning is something I’m way too familiar with, and it sounds as if you are too. *HUGS* I so enjoy your books, but I hope you stay around a long time as YOU 🙂
Tame
nrwalker
*hugs* Thank you… *hugs again*
Beverley Sutherland (@BevDSutherland)
You’ve given us some brilliant stories Nic, now take some time for yourself and the family…as long as it takes for you to feel well in yourself. You’re not superhuman although most of us women try to be, you’re just you and now you need a little time-out. We’ll all still be here waiting for new stories when you’re good and ready, and NOT before. Chillax. xx
younela
{{Hugs}} sent your way. I hope you’re feeling less exhausted and stressed soon. It takes as long as it takes. So… Look after you<3
aammyyss
You are awesome! Good for you for listening to what you need. Think about how amazing it is to have six books coming out in the next six months and give yourself the space to enjoy it for a bit! Hugs! P.S. I just readTEN IN THE BIN and loved it.
Cody Kennedy, Author
Take whatever time you need to take care of yourself, N.R. Be good to yourself and always know that we’re here for you. {{{HUGS}}}
Chyrelle McAlister
Big hugs N.R. Take all the time you need sweetie, we’ll still be here when you get back. Also….for what it’s worth….Nasir and Agron MADE the last season of Spartacus for me. I LOVED the writers and producers for giving their relationship as much weight and substance as the het couples on the show!!
Panda
Its okay. Take time for you. We all love your books, and those of us who truly love YOU and your work will stick around and wait 🙂 Even if it takes years. Just take a break, spend quality time outdoors and with your kids. You’ll be yourself in no time
Janie Friedman
Take all the time you need! My desire to read your books *does not* outweigh your need for a healthy and balanced life. I will look forward to seeing you on the interwebs when you are ready to return. And yeah…Nagron…mmmmmmm…
gigi998877gigi
You are loved for WAY MORE than your writing. Take care of you and come back when you are ready. I’ll keep re-reading all the yummy stuff you have already graciously given us. If you lived by me, I’d bring over some good wine, some GREAT chocolate, a DVD copy of Shelter and some killer bubble bath and set you up for 2 hours of alone-time-tubby-bliss. With a big ‘ol DO NOT DISTURB on the door.
HUGS!